Bye Bye Mr. Sandman

I lie awake, unable to sleep I toss and turn
I feel so cold, fear and pain cloud my mind
I feel sad, for all that was lost and forgotten
I cannot sleep, my sorrow overwhelms me
But these cursed tears do not come
I listen to the haunting music which plays
I will the tears to come, I want to be human, just for once
They say to err is human, to forgive divine
But did I really forgive all those who hurt me?
Or did I never care? Immune to the world
My walls must hold, they cannot collapse
I am near death, wounded more, I may not survive
I am broken now, what more do you want?
All you who have hurt me? Why? Why?
A silent scream, a lone tear and a dull pain
These are all that remain of my heart and my soul
I am a shell now, walled into myself while I wait
What do I wait for? Not for love, not for laughter
Not for happiness, I have left all that behind
I wish for poison, I have embrace it even though t'would kill me
I now stand alone, in the midst of a grave yard
I wander around lost, trying to see
But I cannot find it, what am I looking for?
Then suddenly I stop, my body is not mine to control
I see the gravestone, with my name on it
But how? I was alive, standing there
But nay, I am only a spectre, a whisper of a memory
Now long forgotten, was I ever remembered
I bend down to touch the stone which marks my body
I see and feel so many memories
I was buried alone and cold, I died in suffering
Killing myself to spare myself
The cold steel against my throat, the warm blood gushing out
Pouring on to my hands, I bled to death in pain
The touch of metal against my skin, so erotic
Its singular caress so sensual, like a kiss
I felt it tear the soft skin of my throat
And if I thought death would bring me respite
I was wrong, It bought me no peace
Only more pain, while I remail condemyned till eternit.